Internal Dialogue
by LibraZebra
Summary: I can’t risk ruining everything now. I can’t tell you. Not yet. CloTi
1. Return

**A/N: **_Cloud's thoughts are in italics._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters, nor am I affiliated with Square Enix.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Tifa's voice was quiet, yet somehow it seemed to shatter the silence of the room. The Seventh Heaven was deserted by now; the last customer had left over an hour ago. The floor boards creaked as Cloud walked through the doorway, closing the door behind him.

"I was worried," Tifa added. Her expression was calm, but her voice sounded upset.

"The delivery service has just been busy I guess," He replied.

_That's a lie._

"Oh, right," She said. "I haven't seen you around much the past two months, so I wasn't sure."

She sounded disappointed.

_You know I'm lying and don't say anything. I shouldn't be avoiding you._

Cloud remained silent, studying the floor boards rather than facing her. Tifa sighed and went back to washing the dishes, as she had been before he had arrived.

_If you knew, would things be different? Would they be better or worse?_

"You should get some sleep, it's late," She said finally after he had been standing in the entryway for several minutes. "You look tired."

_I can't risk ruining everything now._

He nodded in response, and went upstairs to his room. A quiet "good night" was heard as he left.

_I can't tell you. Not yet._

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** A/N: **I'll probably come back later to further revise this as I write more chapters. Comments and suggestions are much appreciated. :)


	2. Awakening

**A/N:** _Cloud's thoughts are in italics._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters, nor am I affiliated with Square Enix.

* * *

The sound of a telephone ringing shook Cloud from his sleep. The hushed voices of Marlene and Denzel were heard from downstairs. Cloud shifted a little and thought of answering the phone, but decided he would much rather sleep some more.

The door clicked open after about the sixth ring, and someone answered the phone.

"Hello? Strife Delivery Service," It was Tifa. There was a short pause as she wrote down the address and phone number for the client before she said goodbye and hung up.

Cloud opened his eyes and blinked several times to adjust to the bright sunlight coming in from the window. He saw that she was standing beside the phone still, looking over. He sat up, brushing the hair out of his eyes, and tried to say "good morning", but it came out partially slurred from sleep.

"Good morning," She said. "Sorry if that woke you."

_You don't need to apologize._

"It looks like you have a delivery tomorrow, it's for a business in Junon," She continued. "So you're leaving again?"

_What else is there to do? It's work._

"Yeah," Cloud replied.

"…Are you coming back this time?" She asked uncertainly.

_I don't know._

There was a moment of silence as she thought about what she would say next, or if she should say anything at all.

"If you don't want to stay here, you don't have to," She said. "I'm sure the delivery service isn't what's been keeping you out so much."

_But I want to stay._

"There's no way I can tell what's going on in that head of yours if you never tell me anything," She advised.

_I know that. That's why you still don't realize why it's so hard for me to stay here._

Tifa left the room feeling as if she had just had a conversation with herself. Cloud was always so vague, so brief. She wondered if he really had anything to say after all.

_I wonder…do you feel the same way toward me?_

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** A/N:** I hope this story isn't moving too slowly, I don't want it to be dull. Also, thank you for the reviews and comments on the last chapter.


	3. Junon

**A/N:** _Cloud's thoughts are in italics._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters, nor am I affiliated with Square Enix.

* * *

"I'm leaving," Cloud said as he walked out the front door. It was noon now; he was on his way to Junon for the delivery.

"Bye," He heard Tifa say as the door shut. Denzel and Marlene called after him.

"Bye, Cloud."

"Come back soon!"

The sky outside was cloudy, but it was not dark, nor was it dull. He looked across the street and watched the cars and people passing by. Not one of them he could recognize or match a name to.

He walked his motorcycle away from the Seventh Heaven and started the ignition. Slowly, picking up pace as he went, he rode down the street toward the south.

_You…expect that eventually I won't come back._

_If I wait too long, will someone else ask you out? You have so many admirers, it can't be hard to find someone._

Cloud passed dry fields of grass as he left the outskirts of Edge. It would be a few days before he could see the city again.

The silent plains around him brought back childhood memories of standing outside, waiting for someone to accept him, waiting for Tifa to someday acknowledge him.

_It wasn't expected that I would fall for you._

Back then it was only a crush, nothing more.

_I've tried to forget you before. I've tried to leave you behind._

Geostigma came to mind. He stayed in Aerith's church back then, it was calming. Living alone was easier than burdening others with constant worry.

_If you want me to, I will always return home._

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**A/N:** It's nearing the end of this story I believe. I'm working on what I'll do for the end, so stay tuned. Also, since I've gotten a few questions as to when this occurs, it's supposed to be set a few months after Advent Children. I hope you all have been enjoying the story so far!


	4. Revelation

**A/N:** _Cloud's thoughts are in italics. _

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters, nor am I affiliated with Square Enix.

* * *

The cold rain and frigid autumn winds stung his skin as he rode back to Edge. The sky was black midnight and silhouettes of trees traced the skyline. It had been a week since he had left for Junon from the Seventh Heaven. The seaside town seemed so obscure and foreign even though he had been there so many times before.

_I've had time to think, time to get some clarity._

The distant city lights were visible on the horizon. He would be able to make it back before the night was over.

He checked the time on his cell phone. It read 3:04 A.M.

_Is it too late to return? I don't want to wake anyone._

Cloud braced himself as the winds began to pick up. The unfavorable weather had been anticipated, but he wanted nothing more than to be back home. At the same time though, he desired to distance himself from the anxiety that Tifa caused him.

The streets he crossed became a blur, and soon enough he was standing outside the building he had sought.

_Will I have the courage to tell you how I feel?_

He was walking through the front door now. Rain droplets fell from his hair and clothes onto the floor. Shivering, he quietly crept up the stairs to his room. Dust had collected on the furnishings of the room, he hadn't stayed at the Seventh Heaven for more than a day at a time lately, if at all.

Cloud sat on the edge of his bed, the desk on the other side of the room still was covered in photographs and notes.

_Was it really worth it to return? I wonder...what would you say if I confessed to being in love?_

"Cloud?" A voice came from the other side of the door along with a quiet knock.

_Tifa._

The brown-eyed girl appeared from behind the door. He had thought she was asleep, she knew he would be back that day though. It wasn't impossible that she had stayed up and waited for him. Cloud felt his stomach somersault, he was suddenly aware of his own heartbeat, fluttering.

_No...I can't._

"You came back. I didn't think you would be back because of the rain," she smiled lightheartedly. "Speaking of which, you're soaked! Aren't you cold?"

He shook his head in response.

_I would do it all over again just to see you._

"I didn't want to wait another day," Cloud explained.

"How was Junon?" She asked._.._

"It was fine."

"How unlucky, getting caught in the rain like that," she murmured.

_What will you say once you know? I need to know..._

Tifa took a few steps further into the room, so that she wouldn't wake the children with the sound of her talking.

"Are you okay?" She inquired, now searching his eyes for some sort of an answer.

_I don't know._

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

She nodded, obviously disappointed with his response. She knew he was lying.

"Tifa," he said, his voice cracking.

"What is it?"

"I..."

She stood anticipating a response, but never expected one. Several minutes passed, she walked over and sat beside him.

"Did you decide if you were going to stay?" She asked casually.

"Yeah."

"...Are you...leaving?"

_That's what's expected of me, isn't it? To leave._

"No."

There was a lull in the conversation, complete silence for what seemed hours. She glanced around the room briefly, it appeared that she was deep in thought.

"What did you want to tell me?"

His mind blanked. Cloud sighed, suddenly realizing he didn't have the courage to tell her.

"It's nothing..." he said.

Tifa's eyebrows crinkled up, in the way she always did when she was worried. He felt her arms wrap around his chest from behind, her head rest on his shoulder.

"...You're freezing," she said abruptly.

"I don't mind."

"Your teeth are practically chattering," Her embrace was warm, comforting.

"I'm fine as long as I can be with you."

She looked at him apprehensively upon hearing his words, she drew away from him slightly.

"I'm sorry I'm always gone," He reached up toward his shoulder and rested his hand over hers, idly clasped near his heart.

Tifa murmered something, which was inaudible to him. She shifted further away from him.

"You should probably change into something dry, you'll catch a cold."

Her voice was distant, lacking in emotion.

_You think of me only as a friend._

"So what's wrong?"

His heart skipped a beat as he was reminded that he wanted to confess.

"It's hard to explain."

She stiffled a giggle, pulling away from the embrace.

"You're always so difficult," she stood up, turning for the door, she was about to leave. "You said you were tired, I guess I should let you sleep."

_Last chance._

"Wait!"

Tifa paused, she lingered uncertainly beside the door.

"It concerns you," he spoke quietly. "I'm not sure if I should say anything."

"Oh." Her reply sounded both surprised and apprehensive. "Am I upsetting you?"

"No, it's not that. It's not your fault," he quickly corrected.

_I always delay things...I still stall for time when there's no need._

"What am I to you?" He asked softly. "Just a friend, or...?"

"I...don't know how I should answer that," she answered.

"--Because I think of you as more than that."

She glanced out the window. There were no stars in the dark sky; it was too bright in the city to see them.

His words were barely audible as he said, "I think I've fallen in love you."

Tifa smiled slightly, but it faded quickly.

"I wouldn't be able to live without you," he added.

_Please say something._

She approached him again, brushing his hair slightly with her hand, water droplets fell onto on the floorboards.

"You're getting better with this whole 'talking' thing," she said. "I'm glad."

_You know me all too well..._

"You really should get some sleep though, so, good night."

"'Night."

_...but I'm still left without an answer._

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**A/N:** Only one more chapter left! I had more to write, so this chapter was longer. I hope that's a good thing.


	5. Forever and Always

**A/N:** I forgot about this story and didn't get around to finishing it up until just now. Sorry for the HUGE wait! I hope the ending isn't too clique or anything. Enjoy!

* * *

Cloud sat motionless, still at the edge of his bed, still drenched from the rain.

_Nothing._

His shoulders sunk, his eyes fell to the floor.

_You left me with nothing._

_No acceptance or even an apology._

"Could you really be so cold?" He said under his breath.

_An answer at the very least is what I wanted, some sort of confirmation._

_Even if it was rejection?_

_I need closure. _

He stood, turning off the lights, and left the dimly-lit building.

_Yes._

He walked down the stairs, careful to not wake anyone.

_Wouldn't it be worse if you had just told me? If you had spoken those words, which I couldn't bear to hear?_

Shutting the door behind him, he walked out into the night.

_Yes._

If anything, the rain and cold would help more than it would hurt. There was nothing that could silence the ache that now resonated in his chest; his heart felt as if it would crumble at slightest provocation.

_You feel nothing toward me and couldn't even say it?_

He left from the backdoor, not bothering to take Fenrir, and walked away from the Seventh Heaven. The rain weighed his hair down so that it now fell into his eyes.

_I've never been good enough for you. I shouldn't have come back._

_It's just like before, when we were kids._

He passed two blocks before his cell phone rang. He ignored it, letting the call forward to voice messaging.

_I can't stay near you like this._

_I'm not strong enough. _

Frantic footsteps sounded from behind him, someone was calling out. He didn't hear anything over the sound of the rain, not much else mattered.

_Where am I even going?_

The shouting grew louder.

_Does it even matter where I go from here?_

_Probably not. _

"Cloud!"

He stopped walking for a moment as he realized Tifa was following him.

_Why, you of all people? You really had to follow?_

"Cloud! Wait!"

She didn't have her shoes on, but was still fully dressed from earlier on in the day. She hadn't gone to sleep even after he came back.

"What are you doing? It's the middle of the night."

Water pelted the pavement and crashed into nearby houses and buildings.

"Just _leave_ me alone, _please_." His words faltered.

_I don't mean to be harsh._

"I was worried. You left just after I spoke with you."

_I __love you._

_I can't live without you; __I would risk my own life for yours. _

_If you're happy, I can be happy._

He looked away from her to the dark sky, and continued on walking; the endless black was broken only by the pale moon.

_I can't help being in love with you, even if we are supposed to be only friends. _

"It's nothing, really. Don't worry about it," he replied.

_There isn't anything in the world that could change that._

"No, you're not just a friend," she spoke softly, but her voice remained clear.

_I'll learn to accept that you'll never be happy with me._

Cloud paused, freezing in his tracks.

"What?"

"I...would have said so earlier, but I wasn't sure if you were serious," she said. "I was afraid to say anything. In case you weren't. You never really show any emotion, it's so difficult to figure you out..."

It was hard to tell if it was just rain, or if tears were dangerously close to falling from her eyes.

_She's right._

"I feel horrible now," she said. "Don't leave again because of me, please."

_If I'm dreaming right now..._

"You said you wouldn't be able to live without me, so don't. Stay."

_Let me wake up before it's too late._

His heart still ached, the pain seemed to only increase as he listened to her.

_Before my heart rips in two, let me wake up._

"I'm sorry I ignored you earlier," she said. "I didn't mean it."

If there had been any doubt earlier, there surely wasn't any now. She was crying.

He stepped closer so he could reach her, so his arms could wrap around her shoulders, so that he could shelter her somewhat from the rain.

"I should be the one apologizing," he breathed.

She clung to his chest, her face buried into his shoulder.

The rain gradually lessened and the trees were left glistening in the moonlight.

"I've been in love with you for a long time," she said.

"As have I with you," he said softly.

He found himself smiling for the first time in a long time. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

_Because of a stupid misunderstanding, I could have left myself and her heartbroken?_

"You're going to catch a cold..." Tifa said. "We should get back home."

_As long as you love me, I'll stay with you forever and always._

He nodded in agreement, moving away from her only to walk hand-in-hand with her back to the Seventh Heaven.


End file.
